


six feet under

by things-we-used-tc-share (Heavydirtys0ul)



Series: the billie eilish tapes [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26197519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavydirtys0ul/pseuds/things-we-used-tc-share
Summary: Logan was always so cold, and now Roman has to bury what's left of their relationship if that's what those two years of his life could be called.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: the billie eilish tapes [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1281875
Kudos: 5





	six feet under

Heartbreak is not a lovely story; it is dripped in metaphors and pretty adjectives, but there is no beauty in the depression that follows eternal heartache. Every time you love someone you carry that love with you for the rest of your life, deserving or not, even when you grow past it and move on there’s a cold version of nostalgia when you think of the time spent with that person, sometimes whole years of your life...gone, a leaf in the wind. 

Roman does not think heartbreak is lovely, he thinks there is poetic justice in its sound, he thinks there is a silver lining in this grey cloud, he thinks there is so much beautiful muse that comes from having your heartbroken. He is thankful to poets and artists and singers who have come before him and told their story of heartbreak, he is glad to know he isn’t alone. But he does not find it to be any less than a blanket that keeps no heat in. 

An unmarked grave holding one half of his heart, there is no getting that half back, there is only learning how to grow another half. Still, he sits on his own floor with a box of treasures, a box of skeletons, a box of memories, a box of gifts from one lover to another. Roman sits very still and stares at polaroid taken of the coldest eyes, the colour distorted by the technology but he knows those eyes are so blue, so beautiful. And so not his any longer. 

He remembers the way Logan used to look at him too, with that same half-smile and that shine in his expression that really said: “oh dear god, stop staring at me.” He could never handle scrutiny, or really anything much at all. He certainly couldn’t handle Roman. 

He was too cold, there was too much ice in him to really ever be able to hold someone as fiery as Roman was (as Roman is), all that passion and drama and lust for life were simply not compatible with someone who never really knew how to let himself smile. And soon he just got bored, of course, he did. There’s no changing someone’s heart when they don’t wish for it to be changed ( _if there’s a heart there at all_ , Roman thinks, _someone tell me he had a heart so I don’t feel like I wasted years loving someone who didn’t know how to love me back_ ). 

Logan did not know how to love him back. 

In all honesty, Logan only knows how to love in two ways, the first is sex, the second is by telling Roman he is a tsunami, a natural disaster, bound to destroy and not much else. There’s an irony to that now, given that all Roman had given him was love and in return ended with a piece of glass lodged in his heart telling him life is not worth living if it is lived unloved. But he’s not unloved, is he? 

Is he? 

This love is now unloved on one side, their love is buried under six feet of dirt, kicking and screaming and still alive in one half of a beating heart. But is Roman unloved? _No,_ he thinks, _I have my brother, I have my friends, I have my family_. All people that he almost forgot existed in his quest to help Logan find out how to love. He was getting better, he was getting happier, but now Roman realises that was not because of him; he’d thought they were getting closer, but in truth, Logan was getting further away. He’d been another experiment to him, a way to figure out how to love, and then the answer was given and he left Roman behind. 

Roman sighs in frustration and grips the box of trinkets, he walks out of his room, out of the front door to his car. He places the box on the back seat. He drives to the flower shop, buys a single rose, then drives to the nearest place he can think of that has a single strip of land. It’s a cliff. He digs through layers of dirt, places the box in the hole and the rose on top of it. He buries it under the dirt. He buries his heart with it. 

Then he sits down and watches the sunset in the sky. He must have sat there for hours, dirt and tears and anger all dripping down his face. Then he smiles, he stands up, he walks away, having buried what remains of his love in the ground. 


End file.
